By Charles Awuzie
Let me be honest with you – I live in Johannesburg and in this city, s*x is openly discussed by couples. If you marry in this city and you can’t satisfy her, she will tell you in your face that you are not doing it right. No woman here plays HOLY while dying of sexual starvation. They are honest about their sexual needs and if you ignore their needs, they will find a way to satisfy it.
While I do not consider Johannesburg Sexuality as the ideal sexual atmosphere, I however cringe when I read comments from men in my home country especially when women express their sexuality.
This has led women to seek SECRET sexual satisfaction which they can’t discuss with their men. Most Black Men don’t even know their wife’s fantasy. Oh I get it. You asked her and she said NONE. lol. Just lol.
As a man, create an environment where you initiate conversations about s*x with her. If you engage in s*x with her and she didn’t c*m, talk about it. Ask her why she didn’t reach o*g*sm. Ask her if there’s something you could do better next time. Assure her that her sexual needs MATTER to you.
Keep an open mind.
Sometimes, as men, we would think that she’s enjoying it whereas she’s absent minded or even hurt by our insensitivity. Most women in marriage feel r@p£d during s3x because they are doing it with an unhealed pain caused by us the men. These things are deep realities and the more we shy away from them, the more broken homes we see in society.
DO NOT SHUT DOWN A WOMAN’S SEXUALITY.
Do not make her feel like a pr0stitute for desiring sexual satisfaction.
Listen to her pain.
Every man who made this mistake LOST their woman to men who understood this principle.
Offer her a safe space to be vulnerable about her fantasies, sexual sensitive body points and dissatisfaction. If you do this, no man born of a woman will ever get her attention because she will find freedom and expression with you.
For some of us who are public figures with a counselling background, trust me, we see a lot. We hear a lot. If we advise you as a man, please take the advise seriously. You have no idea how many ARCHBISHOPS’ wives who are seeking sexual satisfaction in places they would never mention – all because the BIG MAN at home is too big to humbly have an honest conversation about their s*x life.
Don’t say I didn’t help men… stop living in denial. You may live in Nigeria today, but the day that woman goes abroad and finds freedom of sexual expression, omo, you will join the statistics of men that complain about taking women abroad.
And for women, men respond to worship. If you worship him enough, you can get his attention to discuss anything with him including your sexual needs. Do not start the conversation with what he is not doing right, start with what he’s doing right and tell him he has spoilt you too much that you now want to experience the depths of sexuality WITH HIM. Sometimes, the men shut you down because of your approach.
I’m dropping this update at night so you can read it with your partner in bed. Later, you can send my tithe by sponsoring the next evolve conference.
