“My Outburst To My Extremely Beautiful ‘Fiancee’; Now She Wants Out!”

I’m in my early 30s and she’s in her early 20s. I’m working presently and she’s still an undergraduate. We started dating 3years ago. We had a misunderstanding as usual and we’ve not been talking extensively on phone like we used to for about a week now.

I’m in my early 30s and she’s in her early 20s. I’m working presently and she’s still an undergraduate. We started dating 3years ago. We had a misunderstanding as usual and we’ve not been talking extensively on phone like we used to for about a week now. We only exchange pleasantries and hang up. I woke up this morning and noticed I missed her call around 4am. I immediately called her back to apologise for not picking cos I was far asleep. She denied she didn’t call me, that the number was dialed accidentally… grin I didn’t believe her so I decided to explode on Whatsapp:

“I believe you made that call but your larger than life ego won’t make you admit you did. I’ve not been able to sleep well too lately cos I miss you. I know I have a bloated ego too but yours is unimaginable and I understand. You are wanted by all men so any man that the ‘kitchen’ is too hot for should Bleep off… judging from one of your embarrassing status updates.”

“You see, you are very attractive and no man will pass you by without taking a second look. Your attractiveness will always bring men to you but what will keep them is character. Now, the most important character of all a woman willing to marry should have is submissiveness. And sadly, that is what you hate the most. You believe a man should bend to your will all of the time (after all, there are many men on the queue) and you never bending to his will at any time.”

“I try to understand if that’s actually your inner character or you are just acting up in order to shield yourself from being dominated. I discovered that your inner person is willing to submit but you are extremely distracted.”

“You don’t want commitment for now as far as relationship is concerned. You still want to fully explore your options. And no one can blame you for that really because you are at your prime age and have the best opportunity now to explore everything in your imagination. Because of that, you actually want DATING for now instead of a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP or COURTSHIP, even though you have disagreed with me on many occasions when I accused you of not wanting commitment. You don’t want to admit it but your actions and inactions show clearly you still want to exhaust your options before being committed to one man. That’s understandable because I was once there. If however I can turn back the hands of time, I would rather have dated only one carefully picked woman and marry her if I had known what I know now.”


“We all have our weaknesses, which is why we can never find a man or woman who has it all. The best we can do is find a man or woman who meets our minimum requirements for a future husband or wife, pray about it and stick to such person while learning from one another with humility. Such commitment is what I find lacking in this relationship. And here are the evidences which I’ve been praying everyday you do something about but you just make it worse sometimes and break my heart:

You don’t want to talk about marriage. It scares you. You desire to have a happy home but the thought of marriage irritates you because you know to make it work, you have to make some sacrifices which you are unwilling to.

Talking about sacrifices, I sacrificed my ex-girlfriend to be with you cos I believe I’ll be happier with you. You are however not willing to sacrifice your boyfriend. You just give excuses on why you still have to lead him on before breaking the news, making me doubt if you are really happy with me and want to be with me.

Then I brought you to my family. Everyone including mum calls you my wife and you have repeatedly shown your dislike for being called my wife. What every woman wanting a commitment crave for, you got on a platter of gold yet you detest it. And you want me to believe all is well and you really want to be with me? I have been trying to have faith but your actions and inactions towards commitment break my faith all the time.

Also, I covertly and overtly told you I don’t like that part-time work you are doing. The work is one of your huge distractions. I’ve been careful talking about it so it won’t look like I don’t want you to progress or want to shield you from other men. I admit I don’t want you there for my own selfish reasons, but the risks you face working there are far above whatever you are benefiting from there. Even if you don’t eventually marry me, no man will not have his doubts about your integrity when you say you work in that kind of environment considering the prevalent behviour of your peers there.

Lastly, you seem to want a boyfriend for now and not a fiancé. A boyfriend who will play hide and seek with you, mind games, buy you chocolates, care only about your looks and how you slay, doesn’t correct you in order not to offend you, ignores all your excesses without complaining about them, makes you feel you are perfect, say the sweet things you want to hear all the time etc. I did all that with my ex-girlfriends and where did it lead us?”

“I’ll rather be your fiancé instead of your boyfriend. Just as I expect you to be my fiancée and not just a girlfriend or fling. As a fiancé, don’t expect me to pretend to be capable of stomaching all your excesses and I will appreciate if you point it out too when I slide. I can’t treat you like a date or just an ordinary girlfriend. It’s either we are committed to each other or no relationship at all.”

“Then finally on the issue of submissiveness, you must be willing to. Marriage is a place of submission. A woman too beautiful or too proud to submit shouldn’t even bother to marry because the marriage won’t work. Most religions agree with that. Even common sense agrees with that. When a woman is submissive, she wins the heart of her man and can get whatever she wants from him. That is the secrete of successful marriages.”

Was I too harsh?
Should I swallow my words and beg her?
Should I just let her go and move on too?
I need your candid opinions and criticisms.