I married the man who loved me like crazy; six years of knowing each other; friendship blossoming into love – it had all the elements of a perfect, true love story.
Being in love and getting married to your love is not easy in Nigeria.
I married the man who loved me like crazy; six years of knowing each other; friendship blossoming into love – it had all the elements of a perfect, true love story.
Being in love and getting married to your love is not easy in Nigeria. We both belonged to diametrically opposite castes. There was huge opposition from both the respective families. But he had the courage to keep up with his commitment and married me by going against all odds and despite his family’s reluctance. The respect and love I held for him cannot be explained in words but only experienced. He was the only person I wanted and needed to be with – I was sure of that. He wanted to marry me – he was sure of that. We exchanged vows and two best friends became couple.
The married life began and I felt I was the luckiest woman on this planet. After all, how many people get to be with their soul mates? Even after marriage,we stayed best friends. We could share our weirdest feelings, thoughts, dreams, and crushes – we could share possibly all human emotions with each other in as easy words as with our own selves. I believed our biggest strength as a couple was the trust we had on each other and our ability to discuss about anything. I was so happy in those years that I felt love all around me. I had unbeatable zest for life which is why I happily managed all household work along with regular hectic office work. I had no complaints with life. My life seemed perfect – in fact I fell more in love with him and with myself.
But perfection is an impossible thing. He got a strenuous posting. The work pressure and tension started cropping up in his job. I had to take care of house and support my spouse. The traumatic phase continued for long, but with my positive attitude always made my husband laugh and smile at the simple, little pleasures of life. Sundays also became working days but I still didn’t complain. I always stood by his side so that he is able to perform well.
Things seemed to improve on his work front and we were about to get back to normalcy. To our earlier happy life.
But life had something worse to bring. This man who had loved me like crazy confessed to have visited a prostitute!
When he first confessed, my immediate reaction was – “I have lost respect for you”.
To my amazement he justified his act by mentioning what all his friends and colleagues did while he only slept with one!
None of his justifications made it easier for me. In fact his replies only made it difficult for me to accept what he had done.
I was out of love with him after knowing how easily he had broken my heart and my innocent trust.
While I was thinking of moving on with him forgiving him for his mistake, I had no idea that there was still lot left to shatter me further.
Accidentally, I snooped into his laptop and that gave me the next blow. After seven years of our marriage and during the time he claimed his work was taking a toll on his life, he got fascinated and besotted by one his colleagues. While he never admits it but I have come to realize that he was so fascinated by this lady that each time she entered the room, he clicked her picture and saved all of them on his phone and laptop. This brought to my notice what he had told me one day, ‘a beautiful girl has joined our office.’ After a while he informed me that the same beautiful girl was leaving his office as she was getting married.
When I saw the photos on his laptop and phone, I asked him about her and he told me that her marriage was called off because of some unknown reasons. When I tried to dig further, he would stop responding and this made me doubt his intentions even more.
It was difficult for me to accept that the man I had known for all these years and the man I had married is no more the same person. He had changed and that too beyond imagination! The guy who would rarely talk to females was seen getting cosy with other women, exchanging flirtatious messages. I had self- doubts whether it was because I trusted him blindly or because I wasn’t cautious enough or maybe the love had gone out of window. Maybe I had become old and the younger are more beautiful.
I am sure I do not love him anymore. Maybe he stopped loving me before I did.
Not all love stories have happy ending.
The chirpy, happy and ever optimistic girl in me is now forever depressed. There are bouts of uncontrollable tears, shrieks and crying under the pillow.
I also realize that probably it is all my mistake too. I had made him the centre of my universe.
I still live with him the way most of the married coupled in Nigeria live. We do have never ending arguments and finally we sleep over them without reaching any consensus. We fight and then one of us leaves the room or goes out of the house. We both try to escape each other’s company. I have realized I am happier alone in the house.
Does he repent what he did? No. And sadly and ironically, it hasn’t stopped at this.
He continues to enjoy with women by paying them and still carries the nerve to tell me that he loves me the most.
He was the one who always talked about high morals and idealism. But when it came to monogamy and loyalty in marriage, he could not keep up the commitment.
I do not need sympathies. It’s a transitory phase of my life but I believe I am a strong individual. I am trying to recuperate by taking care of myself, accepting that I am not loved anymore, keeping myself occupied with little hobbies and charities.
I am trying to increase my self- confidence. The trust is broken and I have to accept that love is not forever. Love also has an expiry date.
He once loved me but now when he meets women and finds them attractive he brings them to our bed room. He has flirted and slept with so many women. I had heard that all men are the same but like a fool in love I believed my man was different. Alas! They were right. All men are the same.
However, I have the resolve to make my life worth living. No more depression phases.
I am getting better at dealing with it and I am sure one day he will regret his actions. Maybe it is wishful thinking but the optimistic girl in me still lives on.
