There are four current presidential aspirants whose (unlikely) ascension to the presidency will cause me to immediately renounce my Nigerian citizenship, stop my Nigeria- centered commentaries, and accept that the country of my birth is hopelessly irredeemable and unworthy of salvaging:
1. Yahaya Bello. This ignorant, incorrigibly petulant child trapped in an adult’s body is destroying the littlest semblance of decency left in government in Kogi State and thinks he can democratize his infantilism nationwide. Dude can’t even pay salaries to workers in his state.
2. Nyesom Wike. This is a vicious, perpetually drunk, psychotic pocket tyrant who has missed his calling as a comedian, a sick comedian. Any country that deems such a person worthy of being a president deserves its fate.
3. Yemi Osinbajo. This is a smooth-talking religious bigot whose entire reason for being in government is to RCCGify Nigeria. (RCCG stands for the Redeemed Christian Church of God where he’s a pastor).
4. Bola Tinubu. This man can’t even hold on to an object for five seconds without shaking uncontrollably. He can be made to sign his own death warrant–or even sign away Nigeria.
